Britney’s trainwreck of a promotional tour — beginning and ending, she says, with this Ryan Seacrest interview — is now available for your listening pleasure. Click here.

God, I feel bad for Ryan. This thing was such a nightmare. I only got through 2 1/2 minutes, and then it hurt too bad. I’m not a very thorough journalist. Please let me know if anything less painful happened in the remaining 20 minutes.

Britney Spears’ album is expected to be #1 on the charts this week.

Yup, Brooke Shields drove her car into her own house. And not the garage. [Cele|bitchy]

Hey, you know what’s not true? That Owen Wilson’s dating Jessica Simpson. But the gossip rags are printing it anyway. [popbytes]

Amanda Bynes is adorable. [INO]

Oh, I love RuPaul. [Bossip]

Audrina Patridge is either an 1980s Madonna or a dead hooker. It’s a thin line. [Drunken Stepfather]

Michael Jackson’s shooting an Ebony cover in Brooklyn. [DListed]

Someone punched Pierce Brosnan in the balls? [Celebslam]

Regis and Kelly dress up as the Beckhams! [Just Jared]

“Who?”

Britney Spears, when Ryan Seacrest asked her during a phone interview this morning if she was having a romance with Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo.

Britney reportedly had to be woken up for the 9:30 am interview, and sounded groggy and out-of-it throughout the entire thing.

Ryan himself reported Britney giving Tony a lap dance at an LA club last weekend.

I’ll admit, I was really skeptical when Daniel Craig was first cast as James Bond — I just didn’t find him all that impressive — but then I saw the film, and I quickly changed my mind. Mostly I changed my mind during that Speedo scene. Yeah. That’s where most of the mind-changing happened.

Daniel Craig — and his enormous package — have signed on to do four more Bond films. I hope he’s in that damn Speedo for the entirety of all four of them. Listen, MGM, we’ve seen Bond in a tux more times than we need to. That’s been done. Just keep him in a Speedo. That’ll be fine.

No, it’s not Lindsay — she’s still sober, as best I can tell — it’s Mischa Barton’s kid sister, Hania, who went to rehab in February of this year.

MISCHA Barton’s younger sister, Hania, showed up at a Hollywood fashion show so wasted last weekend, designer Daniel Darhan told her she couldn’t walk the runway. Web site celebritybabylon.com also reports she was so “out of it” at the Troy Kingdom fashion show at club Area, she could “barely stand up. Her legs were like jelly. She was literally chewing on her lower lip.” When someone tried to snap a shot of her, Hania – who already has one trip to rehab under her belt – said, “No pictures, this [bleep] always ends up in the tabloids.” Her rep did not return calls.

Looks like Hania may have one or two more trips to Promises in her future. I’d do drugs, too, if my sister were Mischa Barton and I looked like this.

This item is going to make my head explode.

Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch’s ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.” Armstrong has been spending more time in town since he bought a home here. Another source said, “He tried to make Tory happy when they were dating by buying a place here, but she couldn’t deal with him not actually living in the same city, so they broke up.” Olsen’s rep didn’t return calls.

Forget Tory Burch! What the hell does Sheryl Crow think about about this???

This is just wrong.