Expect a TON of Owen Wilson Articles that Don’t Make Sense

Check out this madness from that bastion of journalism UsaToday. Wait, no don’t. I’ll break it down for you. Here’s the headline:

Suicide, depression are common in Wilson’s films

Ah yes, we’ve found a crack reporter on the case. Should we mention that Matt Damon played a demented killer in Talented Mr. Ripley? Or how about Ed Norton and obscene racism in American History X? Tom Cruise as a hitman in Collateral? No, nothing? Oh, I see… we’ve found a trend.

Here are the films that the article mentions along with my one second comeback:

• Bottle Rocket (his first movie, filmed in college)
• Rushmore (he is UNCREDITED in Rushmore)
• The Royal Tenenbaums (well, at least he’s in this one, though it was Luke who attempted suicide in the movie)
• The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (He’s looking for his dad…. uh, okay.)
• The Darjeeling Limited (this film has not yet been released but I’m sure all the signs of Owen’s suicide attempt were there… if only we’d thought to look!!)

I only wish UsaToday had been on this case sooner. For the record, here are some other tragic films Owen has done.

• Starsky and Hutch
• Zoolander
• Meet the Parents/Fockers (okay, you got me, these are pretty fucking depressing.)
• Wedding Crashers
• You, Me, and Dupree

So, yeah, the writing was definitely on the wall.

Here’s another genius comment from the article:

A look at Wilson’s collaborations with filmmaker Wes Anderson, which he has called his most personal films, are often comedic meditations on depression, alienation and suicide:

So, wait a sec… might it actually be Wes Anderson we should worry for? After all, he wrote and directed all those darned sad flicks. Someone get a team to his house, quick, before it’s too goddamn late!