Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Only Thing Fake About Jessica Simpson is her Celebrity

Does Jessica Simpson Have Fake Boobs?

I am notoriously horrible at picking out fake breasts. I can tell in the case of someone like Kendra, because those monsters defy all the laws of physics, but in the case of Jessica Simpson… I don’t know. Are they real? Are they fake? I’d guess real, the photo here is older, but it’s the most boobalicious shot I could find.

Simpson tells fashion designer pal Michael Kors, who writes about her in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands July 24… “my boobs are real.”

Ok, fair enough. That’s not really the fun part though… here’s the fun part.

As for whether she prefers singing or acting, Simpson says, “In my music career, there have been moments of failure, and with acting, I haven’t had that yet. But music is opening up my heart and every emotion inside of me.”

Um… What?? She hasn’t had acting failures? Who amongst us has seen Employee of the Month? Who thought, regarding The Dukes of Hazzard, “Wow, this is something special.” The answers are: No one. And no one. She truly hasn’t had anything even resembling success yet in her acting career. If we defined success as “the planet Mars” the you’d have to say her career so far has been “shitty.” Hmm, that may be a poor analogy. But you get the idea – which is basically “does not compute.”

Perhaps she’s crazy. Or maybe her Ex hitting it from the back with that Vanessa chick in a hot tub got to her. Whatever the case I hope that interviewer did a 70’s style spit take when she said that.

Also, her sister got an entirely new face.

PS- If you missed me during my sabbatical I apologize. I went out into the celebrity forest and found out what was truly important to me: and that was being a real class A jerk-off.

10 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Hoooooooly shit. Did she actually say that?? I’m trying to think if there is any context in which that statement would make any sort of sense. Oh! I know! It would make sense if she were kidding!

  • I guess it’s just the public (the unwashed masses) that haven’t really appreciated her gifts. Um, I mean gift–of acting. If she could teach her breats to sing…well that’s a talent!

  • She hasn’t had success in anything except her Newlyweds show. and that was with her and Nick, not solo.
    Those breasts look like they have been added to, maybe just lifts?
    Her lips have been inhanced numerous times.

  • I actually did see Employee of the Month….BUT not for her in any way. I saw it for Dane Cook, cuz I love him like whoah. I did not even want to look at the trailer for Hazzard though….ugh. Yeah, she’s in crazy land if she thinks she hasn’t failed in acting yet.

  • Those boobs are fa-ake!!! I think hers were naturally big to begin with but she’s of the “if less is more, more must be better.” Well, someone had to probably explain that to her. So she got them embiggened, plus her lips have been done (I believe she admitted to that) and I’m certain she’s had her eyebrows lifted or whatever that’s called. It’s a shame because she was naturally beautiful but now she’s just weird and bizarre looking.

    Has anyone saw the trailer to her new movie, Blonde Ambition? It looks bad but you figured that. What I want to know is what did Luke Wilson do to have got him suckered into that movie. Someone must have blackmailed him.

  • Hey didn’t Tara Reid have a film go straight to download? Compared to that, Jessica’s track record is golden.

  • Who says that Blonde Ambition is not going straight to DVD? they are having a hard time finding a time to release it since the competition is so heavy every week.

  • All the movies she has been in have made money. That equals success. Suck it up people and get over it.