Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Paris + Construction Paper = Glee


Paris Hilton made a special gift for her visiting dad Sunday – a Father’s Day card.

Oh joy, oh bliss, this is going to be a fun one to start off our Monday. My 6th grade writing teacher told me “write what you know” and I know making fun of Paris. Let’s do this.

On their way in (to visit Paris), Rick was asked if this was a particularly hard Father’s Day. “It’s not ideally my best,” he replied. Asked how he felt, he said: “I feel alright.”

I hope that’s not a real quote because “It’s not ideally my best” doesn’t make any sense. “It’s not ideal” or “It’s a hard Father’s day” or “This isn’t the best time” all work, but what he said is a bit like saying “It’s not wonderfully my great.” But wait, there’s more.

[Paris] made [Rick] a beautiful Father’s Day card with his picture.”

I smell a rat. How did she get his picture? Also, I’ve found that when making cards for mom and dad it’s best to keep it simple. Just throw the coupons in there for free yard work or doing the dishes and call it good. A picture on the card? What is this, the future?

Before they got into their car, Kathy was asked what her daughter was doing to pass the time. She quipped: “She looks at the four walls, and reads some nice fan mail.”

Is that a “quip?” Can I get a ruling here? I think People is trying to use their words but that comment was closer to a “remark.”

Also, Paris, Why not get some books? I could do ten years in the joint if I had books. I’m not even kidding on that. And how long does the fan mail portion take? Six minutes? Oh wait, as she has to sound out the pop up book part we’re probably looking at an hour to get through it. Hopefully they’ve put her picture on the cards.

That’s last sentence is called a “callback” and in the hands of a lesser blog it would feel dirty. Here it’s pleasurable. Welcome to the week my lovelies.

7 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Okay, as much as I hate Paris I have to point out a couple things here:

    1) You said Rick is basically saying, “It’s not wonderfully my great.” That isn’t altogether true. He is describing the day and basically saying it isn’t ideal and it isn’t the best. It is really is stretching to make a joke.

    2) Paris could have easily had a picture of her father in jail with her. Yet, another stretch for a joke.

    3) Next you comment on the use of the word “quip”. I thought you were going to make fun of Paris not People Magazine. You haven’t made fun of Paris yet.

    4) Finally you ask why Paris has no books. I don’t see anywhere it is said that she doesn’t have books.

    I enjoy your stuff my man, but this is just bad. Where’s the jokes? Paris made a Father’s Day card for her father… Okay…

  • to just add one thing to this discussion: wasn’t there a post on this very site that said that paris had planned on bringing a bunch of books with her, but she wasn’t allowed to do so?

    i find that odd… it’s not like she’s in prison for murder. let the girl read the books she wants to read. maybe she’ll even learn something from one of them.

  • Well, I presume if she had books she would read them instead of staring at the walls. Do you presume differently? Next up People Mag should be held accountable for their words, especially if I am too. Gimme that one.

    All pictures of family members are contraband according to L.A. county penal code section 1142.b

    I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.

  • Okay, if that penal code thing is true then I will give you some credit, because I just quickly Google searched it and came up blank. As for the book thing, I do assume she has something to read, but that is a silly argument.

    As for the People magazine thing I still think it is a stretch for a joke. Plus, you still haven’t made fun of Paris, but I guess she does that all on her own.


  • Jesus, it’s a blog! The owners don’t have to justify their comments or explain their ‘jokes’ to you, do they? (That’s a rhetorical question, by the way.) Are you going to start correcting spelling and grammar too?


  • I agree with Mary. It made me laugh. Evil Beet, has a great point. What does it matter if she has books or not? One, we know she is ob viously not reading them. She’s looking at the white walls. Two, even if she did have a book, dare we believe that she may read it? Well, she is in jail, perhaps she would. Whether or not it was blogged correctly is not the issue. I think we could all agree on the fact that Paris Hilton is in fact an idiot…

  • The owners don’t have to justify their comments, but they tried to and failed. I am just saying the joke on Paris was never made. Also, we don’t “obviously” know she isn’t reading a book. There are such things in this world as exaggeration.

    Honestly, I can’t believe I am defending Paris Hilton here.