A wonderful little news bite from AP has just come down the pike regarding our gal pal Kelly Clarkson. Let’s break this thing down because you’re going to dig it, I promise.
NEW YORK (AP) — Kelly Clarkson, who rails against a former flame in her new song “Never Again,” says she’s never been in love.
Fair enough. I guess. No, wait a sec here, she’s 25 right? Hmmm. Something seems off. I mean, did she go to high school? Shouldn’t she have exchanged cheesy poems or furtive probing glances in AP U.S. History with someone? Perhaps I’m giving away too much of my youth here so let’s just move on.
“I love my friends and family,” the Grammy-winning singer and original “American Idol” tells Elle magazine in its July issue. “But I have never said the words ‘I love you’ to anyone in a romantic relationship. Ever.”
Yowsers. Is she a machine? Is she a cyborg? I mean, later, after the relationship is all over because he/she was caught with your best friend/ brother in the bathroom/porn studio that’s when you question whether or not you were ever actually in love. But when you’re in the relationship you’ve got to throw out an L bomb every once in awhile, right? Am I crazy here? And where do you get off writing about anything if you ain’t never been in love? It’s the damn focal point of all art the whole world ’round! Whew. I don’t know why I’m shouting. Sorry. I’ll simmer.
More after the break!
Clarkson, 25, doesn’t take romance lightly. “I am very old-school, conservative in my thinking when it comes to relationships,” she says.
Not to split hairs here but waiting this long to fall in love is not “old school.” Kids were routinely getting married in their teens only 100 years ago. And don’t give me the old “but they weren’t in love, their parents made them do it” nonsense. They loved each other because having kids means you’re in love. My pastor told me so. She continues:
“My point of view is that I shouldn’t be a mother at all, because I’d be horrible,” she says. “I’m not willing to be that selfless.”
Admirable. Too many people rush into parenthood that aren’t ready. Point goes to Kelly “the unfeeling” Clarkson!
“I’ve sold more than 15 million records worldwide, and still nobody listens to what I have to say. Because I’m 25 and a woman.”
What? I’m listening to what you have to say. Hell, I’ve spent the last half an hour pondering how to make fun of it. We all listen, it’s just that occasionally you say silly things. Don’t sweat it sister, that makes you human. It means you have a heart. It means you’re capable of lo… oh wait. Strike that last part.
“I am a good singer, so I can’t possibly be a good writer,” she continues. “Women can’t possibly be good at two things.”
Kelly said this sarcastically but it’s still frighteningly stupid. Please examine the following list:
And these are just off the top of my fucking head. These women are all singer/songwriters and no one ever said they couldn’t do both. Making a statement like Kelly did is just made up criticism, like me saying “Everyone says you can’t be hot and a blogger too!” That’s fool talk. Beet and T are hot and they write. Recognize that my friends. Respect.
So let’s talk about what’s really going on with Kelly here, why she’s so damn angry at the world. Either
a) She’s been in love, gotten screwed over, and turned into a pathological liar
b) She’s never been in love, is incapable, and has turned into someone who says “You looking at me? You LOOKING AT ME????”
Whatever the case is I’m hoping she calls. Who doesn’t need a project?