Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Anne Heche Either Did or Did Not Lose Custody of Her Son

Anne Heche Splits Custody of Son Homer

I don’t know. I don’t care. Bitch is crazy and this is the slowest news day ever. We’ve been spoiled by Paris-mania for the past week and now everything is boring. Hey, wanna know what I just noticed? If you change the “a” in Paris’s name to an “e” and you extend the “r” a little further down so that it’s an “n,” her name is Penis.

So, yeah, anyway, yesterday everyone was reporting that Anne “Batshit Crazy” Heche lost custody of her son, and that her ex-husband would take primary custody. But today they’re all like, “No, actually they’re splitting custody 50-50.”

Either way, both of these people were involved in the decision to award this nascent lifeform the name of “Homer,” and so I don’t really think that either of them deserves custody. Give the kid to an Olsen twin to raise; at least then he’ll have a chance.

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  • So not really on the same topic as your post, but I found this today and I just can’t resist sharing. Mrs. Agathe’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. Oh, and by the way…don’t worry about my Doberman. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!” When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Agathe’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But just as she had said, the dog simply laid there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

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