Oceans 13 Hollywood Premiere

What could possibly be a bigger deal than the Oceans 13 Cannes premiere? Well, nothing, really, but they held a Hollywood premiere anyway. Brad and Angie were there, of course, looking stunning and happy and successful and in love, and making the onerous futility of your own existence crystal fucking clear. Matt Damon was there with his wife, Luciana Barroso. Look, Matt, I am so much hotter than your wife. I’m sure she’s a very nice girl, but, fuck, dude, give it a shot with me for a week or so, okay? Tara Reid showed up — not that she’s in the film or anything — and actually looked quite nice. Cindy Crawford and Randeeeee Gerber were there (honestly, who the hell spells it “Rande”?), as well as Al Pacino. George Clooney brought his mom as his date. That is like the cutest thing ever. Keep me in mind next time, Georgie. I’m younger and tighter, but I’ll admit I don’t have the same number of hours logged in the bedroom.