Well, sort of. I’m not really sure what he’s talking about through most of this. But he’s talking and it’s at least peripherally about Lindsay.

Thanks to Huntington Action Films for the clip.

Svedka Vodka, the company which had planned to sponsor Lindsay Lohan’s 21st birthday party, has decided, in the wake of her DUI, that perhaps heralding the legal drinking right of an alcoholic who’s not afraid to get behind the wheel is not the best business decision. Because, you know, sponsoring the 21st birthday of an alcoholic who’d been in rehab but had yet to get a DUI would have been totally responsible. Way to go, Constellation Brands.

Not that it matters anyway. At this rate, Lindsay’s going to be spending her July 2 birthday in rehab.

Arriving at Mr. Chow’s on Friday night. I think my favorite part of this outfit is the torn-to-shreds Louis Vuitton shorts. Oh, the couture ennui …

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

OMG you guys this is SUCH A FABULOUS STORY!!! I’m so sad that so many of you are away for Memorial Day and not GLUED to your computer screen following this story the way I am. Because I’m a loser like that. Whatever. Okay, to the dirt:

So Linds started Friday night at Les Deux. (Well, it was midnight by the time she got there). She left at 2 am, and went to a party at Nick Hawk’s house (the guy that runs Koi). Apparently she got in a fight there with her rumored lesbian lover, DJ Samantha Ronson. In the video, you can actually hear Linds as she leaves the party (at the 2:52 mark on the tape), saying “Fuck that goddamn lesbian girl.”

Then she goes to Skybar at The Mondrian for about 45 minutes before heading back to her condo. I guess Samantha Ronson met her there, because she was spotted leaving Lindsay’s building on foot around 5 am, and Lindsay, with a male friend, followed her in her car. She caught up with Samantha as she was in the median of Sunset Boulevard, and the two were screaming, with Lindsay reportedly saying “You fucking lesbian bitch!” to SamRo. Samantha eventually got into the car, and they headed down Sunset until Lindsay ran into the “curb.” And by “into the curb” they mean “over the curb and into a fence.” Check out the video.

So then Lindsay’s bodyguard shows up, around the same time as the cops (responding to a 911 call), and drives the car back to Lindsay’s condo, where it was later towed and impounded by the police. For whatever reason — because he was drunk, retarded, or just hates Linds — it didn’t occur to him to remove the cocaine from the car. So the officers inspecting the car after it was impounded found the narcotics.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …

Lindsay’s going back to rehab, unless she’s going to jail.

See how cool drugs are, kids?

Yup.

The DUI five years in the making finally made its long-delayed debut on the very quietest of news days. Lindsay Lohan ran her Mercedes into a curb on Sunset early Saturday morning. There were two other passengers in the car at the time, and they were both taken — along with Lindsay — to a hospital to be treated for minor injuries, but only after Linds was cited on suspicion of DUI. She was released so that she could be taken to the hospital. I think, unfortunately, this means no mug shot.

Lohan will have to appear in court to answer the citation. I smell another stint in rehab.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, kids!

Rumer Willis, 18, hits up Hyde last night for the club’s first anniversary. (And, with any luck, its last.) Paris Hilton also chose last night to make a brief pit stop in her spiritual journey and spend some time celebrating the one-year of her favorite stomping grounds.