Why is Page Six Retarded?…Because they ran this little blurb today.

CORNY crooner Michael Bublé isn’t entirely the ladies’ man he fancies himself to be. The never-bashful balladeer was spotted “boasting to anyone who would listen” in the bar at the Hotel Costes K in Paris the other night, “wearing this ridiculous vest and bragging to everyone about how women fall all over him and how amazing he is,” our witness reports. But when he tried out his moves by flirting with Emily Blunt, who was also at the hotel, he completely struck out.

Michael has been dating Emily Blunt for three years. Most people don’t “strike out” with their significant other. They actually live together in Vancover. I’m guessing that he was being a bit of a flirt and braggart because that is the kind of fellow that he is. Decoding that…yes he is a douchebag but he is Emily’s doucebag. Some fact checker totally just got fired.

Billy Joel’s wife is old enough now to understand what “child bride” means. [Cele|bitchy]

The cast of The Sopranos gives their very best “O” face. [CityRag]

Pics of Jessica Biel taking out the trash. Insert your own Justin Timberlake joke. [Drunken Stepfather]

Anyone else watching On the Lot? [popbytes]

Lindsay Lohan thinks drinking and driving is just hilarious. [Yeeeah!]

Um, yeah. Devon Aoki. Butt. Naked. [Ninja Dude]

Photos of Mel B. and Eddie Murphy’s little bastard love child. [Celebrity Smack]

Kobe Bryant either will or will not continue to play for the L.A. Lakers. Is it basketball season right now? I haven’t seen pictures of Eva Longoria at a game recently, so it must not be. [LAist]

Jenna Jameson is melting. [POTP]

Remember this blind item? In case you don’t, I’ll reprint it here:

Which still-closeted former boy-bander was making sure nobody got pictures of him with his handsome Spanish escort at a recent European charity event?

Evil T speculated that this referred to J.C. Chasez.

At the top of this post, you’ll find a picture of J.C. Chasez at the Life Ball charity event in Vienna, Austria on May 25.

Just sayin’.

Not that this should come as a surprise to anyone, but our resident chihuahua-preservation guru had a nervous break-down on a conference call the other day. There is so, so much to say about this article, but I have so, so many other things to do right now, so I’m going to go ahead and let Page Six do my job for me right now. We’ll chat about this in more detail later.

She sobs on the tape: “I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach.” Abdul is assured by those hearing her wails, “You will be treated better starting right now.”

“I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time,” said Abdul, who recently fibbed to her fans when she said she hurt her nose tripping over her Chihuahua. (We reported the real story last week – that Abdul threw a glass against the wall and a shard of it cut her face.)

Ranting about Bragman [her publicist], who apparently didn’t appreciate her enough, the petite former pop star says: “I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover.

“I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I’m tired of it.”

Now that Lindsay Lohan’s father is out of jail, he’s doing everything he can to make up for all that lost time he could have spent using his daughter’s fame to further his own protecting his child from the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Most recently, Michael Lohan was talking to E!, revealing that, in addition to alcohol and cocaine, Lindsay has been abusing the painkiller OxyContin. Michael says:

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I’m satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That’s a very important step … And I learned they use the 12-step program, which includes a lot of lessons based on God’s teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life.”

Right, Michael. Thanks for all you’ve done to try to help your daughter get healthy over the past 21 years month and a half.

I have to say that I have a friend who worked on a movie in England with miss Keira and said simply, “She is quite the brat…actually I really couldn’t stand her…not many people can.” I used to love Keira but lately she as really made some annyoing comments. She is attempting to make her fans think that she is “just like them” when really her image is a dangerous example of skeletal Hollywood.

Even though she is very thin and a huge role models to young women in England she always is making comments about her figure saying that she is very insecure.

“Look up insecurity in the dictionary, ‘For insecurity, see Keira Knightley.’ Constant insecurities. But I’m 22 and my body is alright at the moment. It’s not going to get much better. I know I might as well make the most of it.”

She has decided to combat her “insecurity” by telling people she would rather look like chunky indie rocker Beth Ditto. I wonder if Keira realizes it is a bit of a slap in the face when a skinny actress tells people she envies Beth’s plus size body.

I know she claims to be naturally skinny but I remember when she broke out onto the scene as a teenager (when people are usually at their thinnest) and she looked healthy and trim not ill.

A new actress, Hayley Atwell who is beautiful and womanly has been called the “New Keira Knightley” in England and I hope that is the case. She is beautiful and has an actual figure. She will be starring this summer with Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell in Woody Allen’s movie, “Cassandra’s Dream.”