I just want to take some time to dissect this piece of genius bit by bit.
The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
Yes, that’s exactly what Paris Hilton is: the universe’s carrier pigeon of hope. Are you sure you don’t mean herpes?
Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax”. In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.
As a writer? Are you referring to the images of her diaries that hit the Internet? Because I know you’re not talking about that piece of tripe she threw her name on without ever having even read it, probably.
As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.
Hey, genius, she was not just charged with a DUI. She was charged with a probation violation after driving on a suspended license after the DUI.
We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.
I think “We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges” is my favorite part of this whole thing. I’m with you, dude. I think it’s pretty bad when someone gets trashed and gets behind the wheel, endangering the lives of myself and my loved ones on the road. But I’m even less supportive of consequently charging them with a crime.
As depicted on Friday night’s episode “Nancy Grace” on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been “slapped on the wrist” for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy’s California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving!
Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.
PARIS IS NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR A DUI. PARIS IS GOING TO JAIL FOR PROBATION VIOLATION. I don’t think even Paris fully understands this. That is so sad.
This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid.
WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.
Oh. My. God. Read that again. Paris Hilton’s probation violation was just compared, in earnest, to Watergate.
Anyway, Paris supports this petition whole-heartedly, encouraging friends on her MySpace page to “please help and sihn [sic] it.”
So sihn it, guys. Paris Hilton is pillar of hope for our generation. If someone that fucking stupid can be that fucking rich, anything is possible in this world.