Joe Francis Pleads Guilty to Being a Total Fucking Jackass

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Or contempt of court. Whatever.

Crybaby Joey had to wipe away tears and blow his sniffly little nose yesterday as he pleaded guilty to contempt of court. “I am sorry for my behavior. It was wrong. I had heard about appeals and things and I was confused. I am sorry, I really am,” he said. Poor little Joe was sentenced to 35 days in jail for the crime, which should be extra stressful for him, as they took away all his Lorazepam and sleeping pills. And I can only imagine how hard it is for a total pussy like Joe Francis to have to actually deal with all the fear and insecurity he typically channels into the objectification and mistreatment of women, because he’s not man enough to face the big scary world without making other people feel small. It’s okay, Joe. I hear that’s a pretty standard M.O. for guys with tiny penises.

But it is so not over for Francis. He’s still got to deal with six counts of possessing a controlled substance, introducing contraband into a jail cell and trying to bribe a public official and a federal tax evasion charge. And a partridge in a pear tree. And probably anal rape in prison. I’m so excited. I hope the other inmates have already come up with some sort of “Girls Gone Wild”-themed tactic for kicking his ass. Even something as simple as “Hey, bitch, come over here and I’m gonna go wild on your ass” would be fine with me. Or maybe if they scream “Show us your tits!” at him in the shower. That would be awesome too. Could someone get a camera crew in there? Fox, maybe?

9 Comments

  1. medimary says:

    beet- you rock. i knew this was going to be good when i saw the headline. i laughed my ass off thru the whole thing- EVERY time i read it. i’m gonna read it again…..

  2. DarthPaul says:

    Evil Beet…how do you REALLY feel about Jo-jo? LOL
    He’s the douchiest. He’ll probably love the jailsex and get into creating gay porn when he gets out.

  3. Borriemoto says:

    Joe Francis on Greta Van Sustern was a classic. One long, crying rant of how he was being mistreated by guards and fellow inmates. Van Sustern was smart enough to let him go with minimal interruption so we could see how scared and wimpy he was. I have never seen such a whiny little pussy in my life.

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