Today's Evil Beet Gossip

When People Complain about the System

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Ladies and gents, it’s fun with Hollywood quotes time! Where the people are just as stupid as everyone else, but their words are published all over the universe.

AP NEW YORK – Kate Beckinsale says what’s considered the ideal look in Hollywood is completely different than anywhere else in the world. “I don’t think you can aspire to it, nor can I,” she tells Glamour magazine in its May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

Just a rumor, but I heard the chick interviewing her was like a deuce. Maybe a deuce and a half. That’s why she told the poor heifer she shouldn’t sweat it. Also, and follow closely on this logic, if you aspired to look a certain way, and then they made you look that way… well then you’d be fine right?

“Everybody is retouched, stretched, lengthened, slimmed and trimmed. I could look at a picture of myself from the past and think, `Why don’t I look like that now?’ It’s because I never have!”

Okay, but having your pictures retouched actually helped you. All those people out in “normal-people” land saw you and thought “Wowsers. She’s hot.” Then they went and saw Planet of the Apes and thought “Wow, she’s hot even as an ape!” In other news those people are freaks. Why do you find apes hot, freak? Huh?

“This is what’s sick about living in L.A. My 8-year-old daughter (Lily) will point to a woman and say, `Look! That woman’s had too much Botox.”

Dude, her eight year old sounds like a hoot. Count me in for babysitting the little pistol.

“When I was pregnant … I gained 65 pounds. Every single part of my body was thicker, even my scalp! But that’s the advantage of being young, it went right back.”

Nice. Nice. So ladies, a quick lesson for ya, if you gain a ton of weight you damn well better take it off if you’re under 35. That’s something to aspire to.

Oh Hollywood actresses, you confuse me when you use your words!