I maintain this website for a variety of reasons, but one of them is that, no matter how bummed out I am at any point in time, something related to this site always manages to cheer me up. I was sitting around at home tonight stressing about my impending apartment move, when I got an email from a reader that absolutely made my night. Beet reader Kerri invented this fabulous story about how the little kitten I posted earlier ended up curled against a breast. It made me laugh out loud, and I wanted to share it with all of you:

OK. So a Hooter girl with a pure heart is working one rainy evening. And as she take some food scraps out to the homeless beggars in the alley, she spies a little drenched orange kitten. She secrets him back into the restaurant, and between the other good hearted Hooter girls (who aren’t so bright) and the busboys, they fix him up a little kitten box, feed him warm milk, and keep him secret from the evil night manager Sleazy Steve.

When her shift ends, she counts her tips, collects her stuff, (takes off her Hooter shirt, but has a tank top on underneath, and she puts on proper lower extremity garments, maybe a sensible pair of Chinos) and is leaving the restaurant, when Sleazy Stevy calls out to her.

She doesn’t want him to see the kitten, so she sticks him under her raincoat. As he approaches, he is uttering such threats as “Hey, I gave you the best tables tonight, come over to my pad and show your thanks!” and “If you don’t I will ruin your name and you will never waitress again!” The sound of the menacing in his voice scared the poor kitten, and he scrambled to a safer, warmer hiding place, and fell asleep.

Hooter girl, with audio taped evidence she will give to her lawyer boyfriend that night to begin a class action lawsuit, sees where the kitten ended up, and lets him sleep, because only mean, cruel people wake up sleeping kittens.

I think we have a screenplay on our hands, kids! For a great porn, at least. :) Thanks for reading, Kerri, and thanks for sending this!

Tom Cruise is keeping a close eye on his bride. [Cele|bitchy]

Everyone hates Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Meanwhile, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are just happy you know their names. [popbytes]

That chick is still starving herself until Sanjaya is voted off American Idol. I’m done hating Sanjaya. I’ve embraced the insanity. [POTP]

Hillary Duff and Joel Madden cross paths for the first time since their split. [The Bosh]

The editor-in-chief of Jane claims she’s had lesbian sex with Drew Barrymore. [Ninja Dude]

Wentworth Miller is adorable. [TBYLTH]

Let’s take a moment to pretend like we care about what Kimberly Stewart wore to the gym. [Celebrity Puke]

Remember in January when Paris Hilton (or her lawyers) pleaded no contest to “alcohol-related reckless driving?” She was sentenced to 36 months probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines. Her license was also suspended. Paris knew that, because of course Paris knew that. Hell, my grandfather probably knew that. It was all over the news. But when she was pulled over again in late February, speeding at night without her headlights on, her rep claimed she didn’t know her license was suspended. L.A. County prosecutors have had enough, and they’re asking a judge to revoke Hilton’s probation based on the February citation. If the judge agrees, Paris may be required to serve jail time.

“We’re confident we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of that suspension,” said a spokesman for the city attorney’s office.

Paris’s rep, perhaps not surprisingly, declined comment.

She’s such a retard. You have all the money in the world and you’re still driving on a suspended license. Hire a driver for a year, genius.

While she made the very best efforts to keep the details of the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off quiet, Shonda Rhimes should know by now that no one on her set can keep their mouth shut about anything ever. So the deets leaked to the LA Times. Enjoy:

Following her recent disastrous romantic misfortunes, Addison (Kate Walsh) travels to Santa Monica to seek advice from her old medical school pals, Naomi (Merrin Dungey) and Jackson (Taye Diggs) whom she believes have it all: a beautiful teenage daughter, a great marriage and a highly successful health cooperative.

Addison quickly learns that Jackson, also a successful TV health guru, has divorced Naomi. During the visit, Addison also meets the rest of the gang at the cooperative: a widowed alternative medicine doctor, a self-doubting therapist, and a male gynecologist who knows little about women, and realizes she is on familiar ground.

Addison concludes that the personal lives of the people around her may be a mess, but professionally they stand out. (Sounds like those crazy interns, right?) So she decides to leave Seattle Grace behind and join the Oceanside Wellness Group team.

The sparse IMDB page also notes that Amy Brenneman (Judging Amy) and Chris Lowell (Veronica Mars) are attached.

Want more?

Be sure to check out our nip slip gallery and our upskirt/labia slip gallery.

“I’ve spent a lot of time with Kim in Paris, And it’s been perfect. As soon as we landed, we went straight to the Eiffel Tower, drank champagne at the top and just kissed and kissed. Then we went up to my suite and had tantric sex for at least 30 hours, ordering up whipped cream and strawberries while we were at it. As meticulous as I am with my work, I’m more meticulous with lovemaking. I like to do it for a long time. A lot of guys out there get married, and they still do their own thing. I don’t want to get married and fail.”

30 hours of sex sounds kind of boring if you are asking me. I think I would start making grocery lists and counting sheep. I have no idea how this girl puts up with him. I would take the child support and run because I feel like he has a lot more baby mama drama in his future. This Eiffel Tower love story makes me almost as ill as when Tom Cruise proposed to Kate (remember when he re-named her, ya that didn’t stick) last summer.