Sigh. TRL Stays.

Despite yesterday’s late-breaking rumors that the national nightmare of Total Request Live had finally come to its cold-sweated end, MTV Prez Christina Norman says it’ll stick around. In a ridiculously long internal email (I mean, come on, Christina, there are MTV staffers. Next time: fewer words, more cocaine) she says that “TRL will air as always – and we’ll continue to bring our audience the celebs they love and special weeks like Spankin New and much more — but we will now operate more efficiently downstairs.” Ha. That last part sounds dirty. Mama’s got a new toy …

She also sheds some light on why I don’t care at all about MTV2:

“We’ve decided to consolidate the operations of MTV2 within MTV, and many of the hard-working production and development people of MTV2 will be leaving the organization. The MTV2 that you all know and love will still be there – packed 24 hours a day with the music and shows that its young male viewers love. I’m proud of all that the MTV2 team has contributed to its creative and ratings successes. They are leaving behind a great legacy and we are eternally grateful to them.”

Gotcha. They never wanted me to watch anyway.

So if you’re 13, you can breathe again. Vanessa Minnillo and that skinny white dude will stay on the box in your living room, so you have something to do after school other than homework, exercise or face-to-face socialization. Phew. That was scary for a minute.