Wanna hear the song that has made audiences stand up and cheer during “Dreamgirls?” Jennifer Hudson singing “I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” is really a religious experience. That girl is so f-ing good. Beyonce who???

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McH134UFbHA]

Here is the picture that you have been waiting for. Nicole Richie’s mugshot. Now I love celebrity mugshots…love them. I had some moments, before I disovered the beauty of today’s celebrity blogs, that I would spend hours looking through “The Smoking Gun.” My favorite thing about this is how spaced out she looks. The look on her face makes me think this is her train of thought

My daddy’s gonna get you policemen…he wrote lots of famous songs…Paris didn’t get in trouble why should I?…I might be messed up but look my my sideswept bangs…got any coke boys?…I’m famous…and wayyyy skinner that you will ever be…HAHAHAHAAHAH

The girl has had a past of drug abuse and I’m guessing that soon we will see her on the cover of People saying “My Road To Recovery: Nicole Richie Speaks Out About Her Struggle With Drugs.” There will be pictures of her and her dogs playing outside and lots of “I’m really better, promise I am” quotations.

According to Page Six this morning, Stavros’s parents are none too happy that their son might be close to getting engaged to Paris Hilton. After speculation that Paris’s first engagement ended because of parental disapproval this isn’t too much of a shocker. Nice families want their rich sons to marry boring heirs, not American fame whores. A source quoted by Page Six said, “[Stavros's parents] refused to meet her last year when Paris and Stavros had dated for a while. Paris even followed him and his family to Hawaii, where they go every New Year’s, and they still wouldn’t meet her. They think she’s tacky.” I think everyone thinks she is tacky to be perfectly honest. I promise you that Paris and Stavros will never make it down the aisle. I wonder who is going to be the father of her brood of babies that she keeps threatening to have? K-Fed perhaps? He seems to be quite the stud horse.

From our friends at MollyGood. Here is “Trapped in the Clauset,” a holiday parody of the R. Kelly epic. It is really really disturbing, but so is the fact that Nicole Richie was driving on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Let me just tell you that it involves Jesus banging Santa’s woman. It crosses the line…and that’s why the Beet is featuring it for you today.
Here is the first video. Click here to see the rest of the trilogy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdieuIAiS-c]

For this Monday I am feeling quite happy. It might be the fact that New York is just adorable during the holidays, or it just might be Corrine Bailey Rae. She has been popping up everywhere from MTV to “Studio 60″ and now her song “Put Your Records On” is on a constant loop on my ipod. It is such a happy song, and really will put you in a good mood during the holidays if you tend to go towards the dark side when you have to spend time with your crazy family. I love it and I hope you do to. She is nominated for a Grammy for Best New Artist and I’m sure we will hear a lot more from this singer/songwriter.

While La Lohan appears to have stepped aboard the sobriety wagon, Miss Nicole Richie has fallen way, way off. Nicole, who has struggled with substance abuse for as long as you’ve heard of her, was arrested for DUI early Monday morning. Her SUV was spotted going the wrong way on the 134 in Burbank. That’s right, folks: it’s not that she was swerving, it’s that she was going the wrong way on the freeway. Two motorists called 911, and, when cops got to Nicole, she was stopped in the carpool lane, talking on her cell phone. She admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot, although a preliminary screening revealed she had not been drinking. Her booking sheet reveals she is 5’1″ and 85 pounds.

Sadly, CHP has decided they won’t be releasing Richie’s mugshot.

Welcome to the celebrity DUI club, Nicole. It’s good to have you.

Update: What was Nicole Richie doing driving through Burbank at 4 o’clock in the morning? Heading back from Glendale, it seems, where new boyfriend Joel Madden lives. (Joel and Hilary Duff broke up, like, 5 minutes ago.) Cute.