Nicole Richie is stumped. The 25-year-old celebutard checked into a treatment facility this week, because she just plumb can’t figure out why she can’t put on any weight. That’s so funny. Because it totally didn’t seem to be a problem for her at all until a couple years ago. But I suppose a lot of women go through that experience in their mid-20s. As their metabolism changes and they move into adulthood and engage in internationally publicized feuds with their sharp-taloned ex-best friends, they just drop massive amounts of weight for no reason whatsoever. Richie’s camp has managed to rule out one possibility for sure: she is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, not eating disorded. Says her rep:

Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she’s not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder.

What will this “diagnostic treatment” unveil? A particularly persistent form of irritable bowel syndrome? Hypothyroidism? A leak? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Nicole’s rep is unloading some of the starlet’s assets to cover the cost of treatment, and she has a bridge available, if you’re interested.

Jared Leto has gone from attacking bloggers in the press to attacking them at MTV awards shows, with some Elijah Wood choking thrown in just, you know, so we’ll take him seriously from now on. [Pink is the New Blog]

Mariah Carey’s Hong Kong concert is canceled. Promoters say it was due to poor ticket sales and Carey’s “unreasonable demands.” Carey’s camp says the promoter didn’t pay. You be the judge. Or, you know, just go on with your life. [Celebrity Smack]

Sara Evans and her husband, Craigslist surfer extraordinaire Craig Schelske, settle their divorce details. Access Hollywood has the courtroom scene on video. [Access Hollywood]

Danny Bonaduce drops his pants on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, airing this Friday. I link to this item only because a kindly CBS PR flack emailed me yesterday to make me aware of it, and certainly not because I have any idea who Craig Ferguson is or why he has a television show. Actually, the same is true of Danny Bonaduce. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Somehow — somehow — Tara Reid thinks that, if more movies went straight to download, as her most recent one did, more actors would have jobs. Christ. There aren’t enough italics for this. [BWE]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUydgDGjmf8]

Once again. I love John Krasinski.

Oh Miss Mary Kate. I understand that you are still trying to rock the “Boho” or “Homeless-Chic” look. The only problem is is that it has gotten out of control. Perhaps I could forgive the fact that you haven’t brushed or washed your hair in a few days. Perhaps I could forgive the whole plaid situation. The issue I have to take with your outfit is YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE NOT WEARING PANTS. Honey, if you wear leggings, be sure you are covering up your lady parts. Or wear leggings that are a little more opaque. She totally is in need of a makeover. Where are Cher and Dionne when you need them?

Although it won’t premiere until sometime around the year 2020, the greatest reality show ever continues its casting process, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planning to adopt another orphan, this time from India. A source says they plan to bring the child to the U.S. by Christmas. While Brad wants to adopt a boy, Angelina may be leaning toward another girl. The source says that “whichever they end up with, they’d like to name the child India to honor its homeland,” and, of course, to graciously set up the “finding nirvana in India” jokes for me to knock out of the ballpark when I’m writing a celeb gossip blog in my forties and India Jolie-Pitt is banging her Greek shipping heir. Pitt and Jolie are currently in India filming the upcoming A Mighty Heart.

Jolie has three children already. The first, Maddox, was adopted in 2002 from Cambodia, a region Angie fell in love with while filming the first Lara Croft film. Zahara, now nearly two years old, was picked up from Ethiopia; and, of course, we’re all familiar with Shiloh Almighty, the omnipotent union of the Jolie-Pitt genetics, who made her much-heralded arrival to our simple planet in May of this year.

Angelina has said in the past, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures from different countries.” Thanks, Angie. I needed that spelled out for me. The other term I hear a lot lately is “dirty sanchez.” Do you know anything about that?