Cuban dictator extraordinaire Fidel Castro was reported to have terminal cancer on Friday by Time.com. The impending death of the longtime Communist leader is an event with marked history-changing potential.

I heard about it today, Sunday, on PerezHilton.com, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton. And most of you will hear about it tomorrow, Monday, here on The Beet, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton.

Oh, come on, don’t pretend you already knew. Unless you read Perez’s blog first.

We are, truly, a generation to be reckoned with.

Update: North Korea has nukes, as of, like, an hour ago. Ha! I totally scooped you, Perez!

LA-based Kim Kline rocks out on her first single, “Inside.” It’s definitely chick rock, but it’s catchy. Her manager sent me her publicity package, and I dutifully went to check out the single, fully expecting to be utterly bored and unimpressed, as I typically am with new artist packages, but I found myself listening to her single over and over again. She’s not breaking new musical ground or anything, but the song’s relatable with a fabulous hook. Oh, and she’s real purty. You’ll be hearing it on the radio soon enough. Check it out here.

I’m no expert on Jesus, Mr. Stapp, but, from what I’ve been told, he wasn’t real big on gambling, drinking to excess, or announcing that Dave Grohl has a tiny penis on television. But I suppose you’d know better than I.

[via SorryIGotDrunk]

Either that or she never knows when she’ll need pepper flakes.

[via Horny Oyster]

• Jamie Lee Curtis decides she’s “not an actor anymore,” about 10 years after the rest of the country made up their minds on the issue.

• Gee, Pete Doherty, you really don’t figure touring with your band is the best way to stay sober straight out of rehab? Really?

• Candy Spelling wants you to think she has feelings just like normal people, acts like she’s excited Tori’s pregnant.

• Am I the only one totally bothered by the fact that one of Shannon Doherty’s eyes is much, much higher up on her face than the other? You can tell even when she’s wearing sunglasses!

• So I haven’t really been linking to these pics all week, because they truly sadden me, and creep me out in a way I don’t really have words for. But I guess I have to be a true journalist and get the story to my audience. So check out the pictures of the Zombie Formerly Known as Katie Holmes, and her new BFF/cryptmate Posh Spice.

Jadakiss may have also been engaging in the abuse of illegal drugs at the time of the arrest.

In other news, a country singer somewhere has a bottle of whiskey, and he’s sad.