Cyril Wecht, the famous forensic pathologist (yeah, that’s right, I just said “famous forensic pathologist”) who performed Daniel Smith’s second autopsy said he could not determine the cause of death. According to the report, he was able to rule out heart disease, stroke, congenital illness and foul play. So he is absolutely, positively stumped.
OMFG, let’s call in Dr. House.
This is a great mystery for the ages.
Pssst — did you guys do a tox screen? Because when I did that semester abroad at this one really famous pathology school in Europe, they said, when all else fails, do that.
[source: AP]
NYC scenesters say that the former Laguna Beacher has been
working it hardcore at NYC Fashion Week, showing up everywhere that’ll have her. I hope this signals the decline of the Kristin Cavallari reign, and a possible return to the golden days of the Pax California, where you actually had to be the child of someone famous to get famous for absolutely nothing.
Let’s take a look at what Kristin’s done since her Laguna Beach wrapped in 2005:
- Dated Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???)
- Lost Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???) to Nicole Richie.
- Wore obnoxious t-shirt to express her apathy.
- Started tooling around town with DJ AM, Nicole Richie’s ex. Aforementioned apathy seriously in question.
- Hosted “Get This Party Started,” a reality series about the devastating impact global warming is having on our planet’s arctic regions, a topic dear to Kristin’s heart. No, I’m kidding, it was about partying, and it was canned after two episodes. Girlfriend, if Tara Reid can’t make that premise work, your amateur ass shouldn’t even be trying.
- Landed two B-grade movie gigs: Fingerprints, a no-name thriller in which she appears to have a bit part, and Spring Breakdown, a comedy whose IMDB page doesn’t even list a character name for her.
Kristin, sweetie, here’s a tip for you. If you want to stay in the papers, take a look around you. What are all the other famous-for-nothing girls doing? What sells magazines? What do rubber-neckers worldwide love to see on a cover?
That’s right, honey: Anorexia. It’s the obvious next step.
- Lohan falls and fractures her left wrist at a Fashion Week party. She’s claiming that the host of the party, Milk Studios, wasn’t careful enough in preventing people from slipping, an egregious oversight they allowed by letting her drunk ass in.
- Pret-a-porter was a never a strong point at Fashion Week.
- Tara Reid gets a breast reduction, because, you know, that’s the problem.
- An uber-drunk Mark McGrath barges into the wrong Las Vegas hotel room, wonders where his hookers, music career went.
- Jordan Knight’s Wal-Mart record-signing extravaganza doesn’t have quite the turn-out he’d hoped for. Unless, you know, he’d hoped for a record-signing extravaganza with fewer than five attendees. In which case, rock on, dude.
If you can believe it,
all is not well in the Lohan household.
On Thursday night, La Lohan met up with her mother, Dina, at an NYC restaurant to celebrate her mom’s birthday. By the time Lindsay arrived, Dina and four friends were already pretty smashed, and by the end of the first course, Lindsay and Dina were cussing at one another. Lindsay told her mother to “go to hell” and left the restaurant for the Calvin Klein party at 7 World Trade Center, and later closed down B8.
Her mother stayed at the restaurant, crying and text-messaging furiously for the next 45 minutes, and apparently made five trips to the bathroom, coming back sniffling each time. Sound like anyone you know? The waiters had to help her out of the restaurant four hours later, after she’d paid the $2000 bill without tipping.
Poor Lindsay Lohan. On the surface, it must seem really fun to have a mother who’s every bit as much of an alcoholic and cokehead as yourself, but deeper down I can see how it might feel dysfunctional, unstable and petrifying.
It’s official: on September 12 of this year, Britney Spears birthed a 72-year-old British man.
Although we have not yet seen photos of the crotchety old wanker, his age and obvious pedigree can be inferred from the name the Federlines are rumored to have selected: Sutton Pierce.
S. Pierce (read: “Spears”) will share his initials and future therapy sessions with his brother, Sean Preston, born September 14 of last year. Britney gave birth to little Sutty via Cesarian section at Cedars-Sinai in LA on Tuesday.
- Ben Affleck has to keep taking bad scripts. For his daughter.
- Kevin Federline trudges forward with this album of his, getting as far as releasing the cover photo. The album is titled Playing with Fire, and the photo features a glass of Scotch on fire, a work of art executed with that trademark “angsty design student and an illegal copy of Photoshop” flair.
- Paris Hilton identifies fuck-buddy Travis Barker as “one of my dear friends.” But she’s still sleeping with him, of course, because she sleeps with everybody.
- Is Sarah Jessica Parker pregnant again?
- Winona Ryder poses nude to raise awareness for cancer, Winona Ryder.
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